Your ADHD Needs a Break, You Might Too

Hello, my name is Brett Barker and I have ADHD. And well, from what I've experienced with the tech world, and the somewhat recent surge of understanding and diagnosing of ADHD, I'm willing to bet that either you do too, or someone on your team does.

I am thrilled that we're getting to a point where we can talk about it, and that more people are willing to share their own experiences.

I will be using this space to talk a LOT about neurodiversity, so be forewarned. Sometimes I will be talking to neurotypicals (I love using that word), sometimes talking to my neurodivergent family, sometimes trying to bring both groups to the conversation. But today, I want to hear from my divergent family more than talk to you.

“This is real. I will be dealing with it even if I ignore it. It is time to pay attention to what is really going on and not what I want to be going on.”

Like so many others dealing with ADHD - I kept telling myself that I was just making up the challenges I had. That I was just being lazy. That if I could just try hard enough, I could muscle through the mental block. Spoiler alert for those not dealing with ADHD, it does NOT work like that. Once I was finally diagnosed… at 42 … and spent at least a year trying to accept that the diagnosis was legit (high five if you've been there!), I had to shift my perspective. - This is real. I will be dealing with it even if I ignore it. It is time to pay attention to what is really going on and not what I want to be going on.

One area that I spent a lot of effort and focus on, was to learn when I NEEDED to take a break vs. when I WANTED to take a break. That distinction seems pretty obvious, but when you're stressing about getting work done it's not that cut and dried. If I want to take a break, but there is some more work that I need to wrap up, I can delay my break for 10-20 minutes and then take it when I’m done. All is good, I take a break, and get back to work. But, when I NEED to take a break, I know that if I don't take it within 4-5 minutes my brain will overload, and I will be 100% useless for a minimum of 2 hours. This is a common issue for people dealing with ADHD and other neurodivergent challenges. There is an upper level of how much junk the brain can deal with before it needs a break, and if the brain forces you to take the break it won't go back to work till it has dealt with ALL the junk built up. This causes many of us to come across as lazy when we’ve been working too hard, to appear like we can’t keep commitments when we’re trying to accomplish what we promised, and can give an impression of underperformance that influences how we are perceived. I assume there isn't a single person dealing with this that enjoys coming to their team and having to say, "My brain shut down yesterday at noon, so I sat at my computer and tried to work the whole afternoon, and nothing happened." We know how it looks, and I promise we feel the shame deeper than most can imagine.

So, what on earth do we do?

I don't know. I mean, I know what I do, and I will be sharing that, but I have no clue how most of my ADHD family handles this other than, "Oh, yeah, I just end up looking and feeling terrible every few weeks.” And that’s not good enough. So, please, if you’ve ever found something that helps YOU out with this, share it with us in the comments below. I'm betting my suggestions aren't going to work for all of us, as everyone dealing with this has unique challenges, but maybe your suggestion will work for someone else.

If you’ve ever found something that helps YOU out with this, share it with us in the comments below.

For me, the biggest help was to learn, look for, and most importantly TRUST my early warning signs that my brain is about to shut things down. Some suggest you just take regular breaks, but that never works for me! Sometimes my hyperfocus lasts for hours and I do NOT want to be pulled out of what I'm working on by a break warning. Other times I need to be taking more than one break an hour to keep going. So, I watch for the signs.

My first warning sign is subtle; I start looking around the room a bit more. It took a while to recognize this was a sign, and it is very easy for me to miss, but when I find myself looking around the edges of my screen more than a couple of times a minute, I know my brain is telling me to do something else. For me, that hint is about the 5-minute warning. If I am in a meeting I need to stay focused on, I will grab a fidget tool (How many do you have on your desk? Current count: 8) and let my hands do their thing while I continue to focus as much as I can.

My mid-point warning signs fall more in the realm of physical tics, the bouncing foot, shifting in your seat far too often, clicking your pen enough to get glares… For me, that is the 2-minute warning. If I have been looking around for something for my eyes to do, and start shifting a lot… I know a break needs to happen soon.

Finally, my “you’re about over the edge" sign is… mindlessly switching between apps, e-mails, and browser tabs without actually paying attention to what is in front of me. Sadly, this is often less of a warning, and more of a too late sign. If I can recognize within 30 seconds of starting the mindless look around and STOP EVERYTHING to take a break, sometimes I can get back to being functional. Sadly, if it goes on much longer I stop paying attention to anything and will be stuck there for at least 20 minutes… then will likely not be able to get my brain to engage again the rest of the day.

And let me tell you friends… when I miss the cues, and my brain takes the choice away from me, it is not fun. In fact, I was SO EXCITED to get this particular blog post written that I ignored Every. Single. Warning… I burned an entire afternoon, just a paragraph ago, because I didn’t listen to the warnings I was literally in the middle of writing about. I ended up staring at this exact screen (ok, maybe not this screen, unless you're reading this in my office) for over two hours trying to convince myself I could write more. I was very wrong.  Fortunately for me, not only does my team teach acceptance and understanding of these challenges, but we also practice them as well.  I was able to communicate what had happened and was assured that taking the time to recover was far more valuable than continuing to beat my head against the wall. Thank you, team. If you’re needing some help getting your team to this level… well, you know what to do.

Enough of me talking, it is time to hear from my divergent family! Please share with us ANYTHING that you think can help us dealing with ADHD to recognize and take the breaks they need. What are your signs that you need to take a break?  What tips do you have for how you recover from burnout? What is something you’ve learned about your ADHD that we might benefit from? What are some tips you’ve used to help the non-divergent understand what is going on? I'd be thrilled to have some shared experiences of what happened when your brain forced you to take a break, the more we share the less stigma there is! I'd love to hear what other ADHD topics you want to discuss!

What it all comes down to is our brains are a mess, and I don't mean just neurodivergent brains. Everyone deals with unique challenges, and most are afraid that talking about their challenges will result in more problems for them. I do believe, though, that a team who truly wants to do well, that has an honest desire to support others, and trusts that they will receive the same support they give, can deal with everyone's unique challenges. That is the point, really. Our challenges are unique, but so are our capabilities. And if I don't feel safe enough to share the unique about me, good or bad, everyone loses.